A03 · Anger and Conflict
Conflict with difficult people
Dealing with meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, rude or obstructive people at work or home.
Cues
Showing 18 of 18 cues
Change others by example, not preaching
We waste time trying to change peers through preaching and argument. The best way to change someone close to us is not words but example.
“If you can, show them the better way. If you cannot, remember that this is why you have the gift of kindness. The Gods too are kind to such people, and in their benevolence even help them achieve some ends - health, wealth, fame. You can do it too. Or tell me - who is stopping you?”
“Cleverness is a gift, kindness is a choice.”
“As you move forward along the path of reason, people will stand in your way. They will never be able to keep you from doing what’s sound, so don’t let them knock out your goodwill for them. Keep a steady watch on both fronts, not only for well-based judgments and actions, but also for gentleness with those who would obstruct our path or create other difficulties. For getting angry is also a weakness, just as much as abandoning the task or surrendering under panic.”
“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own; not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine.”
“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.”
“I will begin to speak, when I have that to say which had not better be unsaid.”
“It is possible to curb your arrogance, to overcome pleasure and pain, to rise above your ambition, and to not be angry with stupid and ungrateful people; yes, even to care for them.”
“If someone asks you how to write your name, would you bark out each letter? And if they get angry, would you then return the anger? Wouldn’t you rather gently spell out each letter for them? So then, remember in life that your duties are the sum of individual acts. Pay attention to each of these as you do your duty ... just methodically complete your task.”
“If anyone can refute me; show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective; I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.”
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”
“For, unless you perfectly understand the principle from which anyone acts, how should you know if he acts ill?”
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but don’t consider the beam that is in your own eye?”
“Most men are subjective toward themselves and objective toward all others, frightfully objective sometimes - but the task is precisely to be objective toward oneself and subjective toward all others.”
“If you come across any special trait of meanness or stupidity. .you must be careful not to let it annoy or distress you, but to look upon it merely as an addition to your knowledge - a new fact to be considered in studying the character of humanity. Your attitude towards it will be that of the mineralogist who stumbles upon a very characteristic specimen of a mineral.”
What did they think they gained?
When injured, ask: what good or harm did this person think would come of their action? Is my sense of good and evil the same as theirs, or different?
Two ears and one tongue for listening
Zeno of Citium remarked that we have two ears and one tongue because nature intended us to listen twice as much as we talk.
“And in short, a man must learn a great deal to enable him to pass a correct judgment on another man's acts.”