R01 · Social Judgement and Approval
Fear of others' opinions
Anxiety over what other people think, say or judge about you.
Cues
Showing 20 of 21 cues
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”
“To be ashamed only of what was really shameful, and to ignore men’s low opinion of other things.”
“To help others and be eager to share, not to be a pessimist, and never to doubt your friends’ affection for you.”
“‘But I get to wear a crown of gold.’ If you have your heart set on wearing crowns, why not make one out of roses; you will look even more elegant in that.”
“Why do I not rather seek some real good - one which I could feel, not one which I could display? These things that draw the eyes of men, before which they halt, which they show to one another in wonder, outwardly glitter, but are worthless within.”
“Do you ask what it is that I seek in virtue? Only herself. For she offers nothing better; she herself is her own reward. Or does this seem to you too small a thing?”
“No one is laughed at who begins by laughing at himself.”
“It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
“A man is to carry himself in the presence of all opposition ... I ought to go upright and vital, and speak the rude truth in all ways ... Your goodness must have some edge to it, else it is none.”
“Why do you take pleasure in praise from those you cannot praise yourself?”
“Put up with being laughed at on occasion; look around you, and give yourself a good shaking to find out who you really are.”
“Whatever it be, whether art or nature, that has inscribed in us this condition of living by reference to others, it does us much more harm than good. We defraud ourselves out of what is actually useful to us in order to make appearances conform to common opinion. We care less about the real truth of our inner selves than about how we are known to the public.”
· Diogenes Laërtius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers 6.58; Robin Hard translation in Sayings and Anecdotes (2012)
“When someone said to Diogenes, ‘Most people laugh at you’, he replied, ‘And doubtless donkeys laugh at them; but just as they pay no heed to the donkeys, I pay none to them.’”
“The greatest height of heroism to which an individual can attain is to know how to face ridicule; better still, to know how to make oneself ridiculous and not to shrink from the ridicule.”
“Some things are up to us and some are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires, aversions - in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations, or our public offices ...”
“[Chekhov] made a vow to himself: no more bowing and apologizing to people; no more complaining and blaming; no more disorderly living and wasting time. The answer to everything was work and love, work and love.”
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked.”
Zeno chose teaching over court favour
Zeno taught in Athens’ Painted Porch. He declined King Antigonus’ invitations to court and sent associates in his place.
Socrates unfazed by belittlement
Mocked by Hippias for repeating himself, Socrates calmly turned the jibe into a boast, persisting throughout his life in exhorting Athenians to examine how they ought to live.
Excellence is its own reward
Creating one's own life requires judging self-worth by self-generated ideals; applause or disdain from others becomes insignificant because attaining excellence itself bestows pride, fulfilment and true self-esteem.